Saturday, May 19, 2012

Global Shortage of Prayer Creates Panic and Pandemonium

Church Leaders Urge Christians to Reduce Their Prayer Footprints

Experts warn of a looming shortage of "supernatural resources"

An unprecedented summit of Christian leaders convened earlier this month to take part in a summit to address what many fear could be the greatest spiritual crisis of our time — a shortage of prayer.

“With the global economic crisis touching more and more lives around the world, we have just one question,” said The Very Right and Rich Reverend A. Dollar Moore. “Where is all of the extra prayer that these people need going to come from?”

A portion of the summit, which included both evangelical and non-denominational leaders from around the world, was focused on finding alternative sources of prayer to solve the looming prayer gap over the long term, but the vast majority of the sessions targeted ways to get Christians to reduce their need for prayer and become good stewards of what leaders are calling “supernatural resources.” All of these discussions culminated in a loud and clear message to Christians: reduce your prayer footprint.

While no formal definition of a prayer footprint exists, it is generally understood to be a rough calculation of the total amount of prayer used to address the requests and needs of a given Christian. Leaders are suggesting a number of simple steps for believers to reduce their contribution to the expected prayer shortage.

“All available data points to Christians praying less and less while requiring more and more prayer,” the statement reads. “Eliminating obvious waste in the prayer process will alleviate prayer problems in the short term, but the long term solution will have to include both a significant reduction in the prayer footprint of the average Christian and a vigorous search for alternative sources of prayer.”

Accomplishing those goals, said summit attendees, will require a fundamental paradigm shift in the Christian community.

“We know that the average Christian prays just five to ten minutes a day, and that the number of Christians is finite,” said Focus on the Material Founder Rich Mann. “This is going to lead to some tough questions. Does your sister’s ankle sprain really need to use up supernatural resources in these times? Do we need to pray for every single person who has a non-life-threatening illness, or can we lump them all together into a single line item? As Christians, we need start thinking seriously about shepherding this resource in a responsible way.”

Summit attendees also began the process of establishing guidelines to help Christians calculate their prayer footprint, as well as details of a Supplication Mitigation system that allows Christians to offset an overuse of supernatural resources by purchasing prayer credits. Proceeds from the sale of these credits will go to fund research into alternative sources of prayer.

“We’ve been looking into the possibility of prayer centers in India to handle some of the anticipated prayer load,” Mann said. “This is the kind of creative, out-of-the-box solution that we need at a time like this.”

(Adapted and Adopted from The Holy Observer for Satirical Saturday) 

1 comment:

Ian said...

Gregg, you have got to be kidding! Is this for real? Surely our God with His infinite resources can handle this with ease. Is this not another case of people putting God in a box, and reducing Him to a worldly being? Oops, I just read the bottom line including "Satirical"