Thursday, August 30, 2012

How Many Church Members Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Disclaimer:  I just came across this in my files. Let me say, first it is not original with me and second, I do not intend to offend anyone who might find their “church” or “faith” on this list. This is offered as humor and not meant to stereotype, offend, marginalize, categorize, and/or create religious dissension.

How Many Church Members Does it take to Change a Light Bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1

Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10

One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness in tongues.

Presbyterians: None

Lights will go on and off at predestined times. There's nothing one can do about it--get some candles.

Roman Catholic: None

Candles only.

The Baptists: At least 15.

One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken and bring your own place settings.

Who will bring the Kool-Aid? Wait, let's vote on that. No on the place settings, there's some in the kitchen. Why not bring lemonade instead of Kool-Aid? And what about the dessert? Of course we all know that desserts spelled backwards is "stressed"--

Episcopalians: 3

One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about
how much better the old one was. 


We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday or Saturday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined

Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. We will be making bulb baskets for the Catholics (the candle folks). Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6

One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None

Lutherans don't believe in change.


What's a light bulb?


Scott said...

We actually answered this at a business meeting a few months back. Someone noticed a light out, and since we have a very high ceiling, we decided to get the big ladder out while several folks were there to help. So two to bring out and hold the ladder, then my son went up the ladder with the suction cup thingy, then two others telling him how to use it, then me climbing part way up to hand him another bulb, and another 6 or so on the ground talking about it, laughing, offering advice, etc. So... How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently about 12.

Persis said...

I like the unitarian answer. :)

LD Masterson said...

Yup, we Methodists are loved, make baskets, and bring covered dishes to share.