Disclaimer: I just came across this in my files. Let me say, first it is not original with me and second, I do not intend to offend anyone who might find their “church” or “faith” on this list. This is offered as humor and not meant to stereotype, offend, marginalize, categorize, and/or create religious dissension.
How Many Church Members Does it take to Change a Light Bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness in tongues.
Lights will go on and off at predestined times. There's nothing one can do about it--get some candles.
Roman Catholic: None
The Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken and bring your own place settings.
Who will bring the Kool-Aid? Wait, let's vote on that. No on the place settings, there's some in the kitchen. Why not bring lemonade instead of Kool-Aid? And what about the dessert? Of course we all know that desserts spelled backwards is "stressed"--
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about
how much better the old one was.
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday or Saturday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.
You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. We will be making bulb baskets for the Catholics (the candle folks). Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans don't believe in change.
What's a light bulb?